


Just Like Flying

by hogwartshoney



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Canonical Character Death, Depression, M/M, Oral Sex, Romance, Skydiving, Slow Build, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-15
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-07 15:24:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3176765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hogwartshoney/pseuds/hogwartshoney
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus has a problem. And a solution. Neither of which turn out quite the way he’s planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Like Flying

**Author's Note:**

> Immeasurable thanks over the years to Islandsmoke and Charmed310 for their top notch beta work and encouragement.
> 
> Written for the final year of Snupin Santa over at LiveJournal. Originally posted here: http://snupinsanta.annex-files.com/viewstory.php?sid=623&index=1

  
_I’m standing on the edge  
With a vision in my head  
My body screams ‘release me!’ _ ~ From Wings Came Flight  
  
  
  
It feels just like flying.  
  
Remus lets go of the handle on the wing of the airplane and falls away on his back, filming the 4-way’s exit from the plane. The group turns a second point while still nearly vertical, Steve docking on Karen’s leg in a slick sideways slide to complete the formation, and Remus frames the shot from below with the plane in the background.  
  
 _Oh, man! Perfect!_  
  
He sees Steve nod at Sara across from him, they shake, release their grips then turn another point as they accelerate towards terminal velocity, this time a star with Frank at the point. Remus turns over, now in standard freefall position as he flies to the side of the formation and, extending the wings of his jumpsuit, floats up a little above them to get a better angle of the team against the backdrop of the ground below. It’s impressive how easily he can control his rate of descent with the new winged suit, and he’s so much more manoeuvrable in the air. The formation changes again, diamond, release, 360-degree spin in place, back to a diamond, then to a donut, and then they spin it, just for fun. Quick altimeter check, 3500’, and Remus extends the smaller extra wings on the suit, creating even more drag and slowing his descent further as the group falls away from him, slowing their spin before breaking formation. The jumpers turn and track away from each other, and Remus checks his as altimeter sweeps down to 2500 feet before deploying his canopy, still videoing.  
  
His canopy purrs gently open above him - another beautiful pack job by Anne; he considers asking her to pack for him permanently - and he checks the sky for four other canopies.   
  
Remus skydives because he loves it, because it’s the closest he’s ever been to actually flying.  
  
  
~~~  
  
  
It feels just like dying.  
  
Severus wakes every morning with a groan because he hasn’t been fortunate enough to slip away in his sleep.   
  
 _God, when will this end?_  
  
It hurts to lie there, it hurts to breathe, and it hurts to look at himself in the mirror, to see reflected back at him what he’s become. If the pain was physical, he could deal with it, but emotional anguish and mental pain - well, there’s no amount of drugs to fix that.  
  
Severus knows he can end it all; simply by taking a huge overdose of many different pills, chasing them down with a fifth of scotch and just lying back and letting it happen, but with his luck, Albus would find him.  
  
 _Albus…_  
  
He feels a stab of pain so acute that he almost doubles over, and he silently curses the day he ever met Albus. For one thing, he’d never met anyone, old or young, with such an annoying  _twinkle_  in their eyes, and for another thing, Albus always seemed to know just when Severus was at his lowest.  _Bloody man._  Severus knows that Albus had saved him more times than he can count; either by being there just when Severus’ moods turned darkest and the thought of oblivion was eating at his soul, or, when it had become too much and Albus was too late, he’d been there at the bar or bridge to drag Severus away and into a cold shower while Severus hurled invectives at him.  
  
Severus had come to rely on Albus, damming himself to years of having a ‘safety net’ so that, even if things did go to shit, Albus would be there. Oh, Severus had railed against it, of course, in a pathetic attempt at bravado, but in his heart, he trusted the old coot.  
  
Until the day Severus killed him.  
  
The authorities had ruled it a case of suicide, but Severus knew better.  
  
He had failed Albus. He hadn’t been there to catch him when he fell, the way Albus had always been able to catch Severus.  
  
He remembers running in a near panic, Albus’ note gripped tightly in his fist. Albus had been surprisingly quick for a man of almost sixty, and he’d had enough of a head start that Severus, although less than half Albus’ age, had never been able to actually touch him as the older man swerved around and through the crowd, down the steps and into the subway station. Albus hadn’t turned around once since Severus had started chasing him two blocks ago, and his single-mindedness of purpose had concerned Severus.  
  
The crowd seemed to part easily around Albus, almost as though he could move them by the sheer force of his will, but Severus had been caught in the backlash as the crowd closed in and seemed to thicken in Albus’ wake. Legs burning, chest on fire, lungs dry, Severus dodged and weaved around knots of people, while the image of the note with Albus’ writing on it seemed to hang before his mind’s eye; the note that Severus was convinced he hadn’t been supposed to find until…. well, until much later.  
  
  
 _Farewell, my friend. Until the next great adventure.”_  
  
  
The loudspeaker crackled an announcement.  _“Express train #5972 expected through the station in one minute. This train does not stop. Repeat: express train #5972 does not stop at this station. Thank you.”_  
  
Severus ripped through his pockets to find change for the turnstile, and by then, Albus was already down on the subway platform. With trembling hands, Severus shoved the coin roughly into the slot, still pushing against the barrier, but it wouldn’t move, not while he was pushing it, so he backed off, and the time ticked by, ticked by, and the wind from the oncoming train began blowing through the station, scraps of paper and debris borne aloft on the waves of rushing air. Severus’ gut twisted with horrible realization as Albus turned around to look up at him, even as the train’s whistle sounded in the tunnel.  
  
Severus, now free of the barricade, started running down the last flight of stairs, his eyes never leaving Albus, who raised his hand as though asking Severus to stop, and the dead look in his eyes was almost more than Severus could take.  
  
“Albus,  _please!_ ” he shouted, but then Albus turned away and was gone, leaping into the path of the oncoming train amid the screaming of commuters and the screeching of brakes.  
  
  
  
Severus staggers from the toilet to the sink where he washes his hands and splashes water on his face, head and neck, trying to rid himself of the memory. It’s sweltering in the tiny bathroom, and the dripping of the tap into the sink is loud in his ears, each ‘ _plop plop plop_ ’ echoing his heart beat. He stares at the dirty mirror, at his own reflection which, for once, accurately reflects how he feels.  
  
“Christ, you look like shit,” he murmurs at his reflection, and the reflection gives him a wry, broken grimace in return.  
  
The place smells musty, and he cracks open a window, then he staggers back to bed and flicks on the television out of habit. The announcers banter back and forth annoyingly, falsely, their voices little more than background chatter until he hears “death wish…”, and he turns.  
  
“That’s right, folks, you heard me. Skydiving. It’s not for the faint of heart, but for those who try it, it’s an experience that can’t be beaten.”  
  
The female anchor pipes up. “Yes, John, and our very own Paul Kernahan recently spent a day with a group of skydivers and files this report.”  
  
The report is your typical cookie-cutter presentation which, in Severus’ opinion, doesn’t really do much to promote the sport and, in fact, seemed centered around just how ‘brave’ Paul Kernahan was to actually jump out of a ‘perfectly good airplane’ and live to tell the tale.  
  
It does, however, plant the seed of an idea in Severus’ mind. He wants something that will be irrevocable, and with skydiving, he thinks he’s found it.  
  
  
~~~  
  
  
Severus now has a plan, an end point toward which he moves, efficiently and inexorably, and he begins setting his house to rights, his thoughts calm and focused for the first time in years. He puts his affairs in order, cleans his apartment, does his laundry, pays his bills. Friday comes, and he finalizes his affairs, empties his refrigerator and freezer, takes out the garbage and then, just after midday, locks his apartment for the last time and gets into his car.  
  
The drive to the airport takes little more than two hours in the traffic, but he’s calmly and purposfully moving towards a decision that he’d made the day he’d seen that snippet on the news. Skydiving – it’s his way out.  
  
He follows the signs for the airfield and turns his car off the road, easing onto a long gravelled drive, stones crunching under his tires. He drives slowly so as to not disturb the stones and cause potential damage to his car. He plans to leave it here, anyway, but he’d gone through the carwash yesterday and cleaned it inside and out - he won’t need it any more, but at least nobody can say that Severus Snape was a slob. And fuck ‘em if they did, anyway.  
  
He negotiates the half-full parking lot where he finds a shady spot. He walks slowly along the path separating a tall, grass-covered mound from the rest of the modular buildings, and as he comes upon the courtyard - if you could call it that - a long, lean figure strides out of the building to Severus’ right, almost on top of him. Startled, they both jump and look at each other for a moment before the other man smiles and extends his hand in greeting.  
  
“Hey, welcome. Name’s Remus Lupin.”  
  
“Severus.”  
  
“Are you looking for someone or did you come to make a jump?”  
  
Conversation is still an effort for Severus, and especially with bouncy and high-spirited people like this Lupin character.  
  
“Here for a first jump.”  
  
“Excellent!” He turns and gestures towards another smallish squat building to their left. “Go see Jen over there, at the window that says ‘Manifest’. She’ll sort you out.”  
  
Severus nods his thanks, hands clenching on the handle of his small duffel bag holding a change of clothes as he turns in the direction of the building.  
  
“Hey,” Lupin hasn’t gone, but instead looks at Severus carefully. “The first jump is always a kicker. Either you love it or you hate it, but you never forget it.”  
  
Severus nods again and walks over to find Jen, a young lady who seems almost as chipper as Lupin. She’s situated at a desk next to the window, and a quick glance inside reveals a few people standing about, some of them perusing racks of clothing and other miscellany.  
  
“Hi there, can I help you?”  
  
Enthusiastic people exhaust Severus.  
  
“Snape; here for a first jump.”  
  
“Okay, was that for a tandem or did you want to do the first jump course?”  
  
Severus is nonplussed. “Don’t you have jumps all the time?”  
  
Jen smiles winningly, something Severus does not appreciate. “Oh, yes, for the experienced skydivers. The Accelerated Freefall instructors don’t begin their First Jump Course until tomorrow morning. We still have a few hours of daylight left today, though. Do you want to do a tandem today with one of our tandem masters and then, based on how you feel after that, you can start the first jump course tomorrow? I can pencil you in for Ed’s Accelerated FreeFall class at 9 am.”  
  
 _Oh._  Severus blinks, taken aback for a moment. He hadn’t expected this. He thought he’d be able to do a jump by himself after some basic training, but a tandem jump attached to another diver- No, Severus couldn’t bring himself to take another person’s life. He vacillates, confused now that he’s unable to complete his plan.  
  
Just then, Lupin appears out of nowhere, leans close to him and stage-whispers conspiratorially.  
  
“Hey, try it. It’s the most fun two people can have strapped to each other with their clothes on!”  
  
He winks at Severus and nods knowingly, and there’s general laughter as though this is some sort of inside joke. Severus grits his teeth as he realizes that he is basically being railroaded into doing the tandem, but he decides that even though he’ll jump today and theoretically survive, tomorrow he’ll be able to carry out his plan. Severus glares at Lupin who simply beams at him.  
  
“Yes, sure, I’ll do one.”  
  
“Will you want video of that too?” Jen pipes up. “You get it at a special package price if you combine it with your jump ticket.”  
  
Severus doesn’t know why he agrees to video on the jump, but it  _is_  only $15.00 more added to his bill, so what the hell. He won’t have any use for his money after tomorrow anyway.  
  
“Great, Severus, or should we call you Mr Snape? Everyone’s pretty informal around here. Just fill out this waiver and I’ll round up a tandem master to take you through the briefing and suiting up. Remus here will shoot the video.”  
  
“Severus is fine,” he grinds out, not even wanting to be obvious about watching Lupin who’s in the process of checking what looks like an awful lot of camera equipment strapped to a helmet. Lupin sees him looking anyway and flashes him a quick smile, flicking his almost-too-long fringe out of his eyes.  
  
“I’ll have you covered, Severus. Two video cameras, one high def, one regular digital, plus a digital point-and-shoot. We won’t miss a thing.”  
  
Severus merely quirks an eyebrow and gets back to filling out the waiver form which has at least twenty ticky-boxes and a plethora of lines to initial. When he’s done, he hands the clipboard and pen back to the girl in the window, together with cash for the jump and video. Lupin again flashes him that ridiculous grin.  
  
“All set? Great, then let’s head off to the Loft where we’ll fit you with a harness, jumpsuit and all the extras.”  
  
Forty-five minutes later, Severus stands under an awning outside the Loft and adjusts the zipper on his jumpsuit as he tries not to strangle all the cheerful people around him. _Does a lack of oxygen at altitude cause some kind of brain damage?_  He’s been touched an awful lot during that time, something he’s not at all used to, but he’s been weighed, measured, given a jumpsuit, had a harness strapped to him and adjusted, shoe laces double-tied, goggles, helmet, gloves all ensured to fit snugly. They’ve even talked through the jump and ‘dirt dived’ it, practicing their exit in a wooden mock-up of the plane’s interior and door. Severus is a bit disconcerted at just how close Mike, the tandem master, will need to be to him - they’ll literally be harnessed together and cinched tightly, bodies snug together - and the experienced skydiver behind Severus will have the extra-large parachute strapped to his back and will be in control of everything.  
  
And then there’s Lupin with his toothy grin, busily filming everything. Severus tries scowling, but Lupin only laughs and moves the cameras in closer. He is saved from Severus’ snarky retort by the crackle of an announcement over the drop zone loudspeakers.  
  
“Ten-minute call for Twin Otter load 3. On this load - Tandem and video: Severus, Mike and Remus. 4-way: Miss Becky and the Drones. 8-way: Golden Lions. 3-way: Kyle, Greg and Dennis. Ten minutes, people. Ten minutes.”  
  
Severus cocks his head, intrigued despite his annoyance. “4-way?”  
  
Lupin stops filming and fiddles with the cameras for a moment before looking up - his strange, golden-brown eyes catching the late-afternoon sun. “Yeah, that’s a group or team of 4 jumpers. 3-way is 3 people, 10-way… well, you get the gist.”  
  
“So what’s a single jumper called, a one-way?”  
  
Lupin grins. “Nope. A solo.”  
  
 _All alone…._  
  
Severus wonders briefly what it will feel like, to fall through the sky completely alone, free of all earthbound ties, to just fall, fall, fall, never looking at the ground, only at the sky, perhaps even closing his eyes until impact.  
  
He wonders if it will hurt.  
  
He’s pulled from his dark musings by Mike who bustles over quickly, the large knapsack-looking parachute already strapped to his back. He double-checks Severus’ harness, pulling the leg straps tighter and placing the extra webbing into the elastic band that seems to be there for just such a purpose. Severus watches as Lupin zips up his own jumpsuit; a strange thing with what look like wings on either side of the torso that attach at the ankle and wrist with string or cable of some sort. Lupin and Mike speak for a moment, out of Severus’ earshot, but Lupin’s face is alight with enthusiasm and, as Mike nods, he claps the tandem master on the shoulder. Severus purses his lips, wondering what that’s all about, but the voice is back on the loudspeakers with a five-minute call for their plane. Mike gestures towards the taxiway where a largish plane approaches. High wings, two engines with propellers, the top of the plane several feet above Severus’ head. Mike gestures at the plane and Severus sees the rest of the skydivers in his group making their way towards it.  
  
“We get in first - the pilot will make a separate pass just for us.” Mike shouts over the wind, and Lupin is already at the large square door with his helmet in hand, the cameras pointing in Severus’ direction. Nodding, Severus grabs hold of the railing on the portable steps and clambers into the aircraft.  
  
Two rows of bench seats run along the full length of the cabin, and it reminds Severus of old war movies where the parachuting soldiers would slide along the seats until it was time to make their jump. He hears Mike and Lupin climb in behind him and Mike gestures to the far end, indicating their seats right at the back of the aircraft. Severus is placed on a single seat with his back against the metal panelling and Lupin and Mike take up positions closely on either side of him. It feels oddly like he’s being flanked by some sort of guard. The rest of the jumpers pile into the airplane, and again Severus wonders just why everyone is smiling. How can there  _be_  that many happy people in one place?  
  
The ride to altitude is uneventful. Mike shows Severus his altimeter and the slow and steady climb through thousands of feet. He knows that the jump will be from approximately 12,000 feet and, really, Severus can’t even equate that to anything. Lupin tells him “that’s not height, that’s altitude”, as if that makes any sense, but Severus merely shrugs it off. Still, he can’t help but become slightly interested in the goings on with the others when Mike’s altimeter approaches the 10,000-foot mark and the various groups in the plane start shifting around, turning their backs to each other for what seems like a final equipment check. They all don their goggles and helmets, and when a green light comes on at the front of the plane, Mike shouts “jump run!” in Severus’ ear.  
  
Someone close to the door reaches down and  _rolls_  up the large plexiglass covering along tracks in the ceiling of the cabin as though it’s a garage door. The noise and wind are incredible and Severus’ heart races as the first bunch of people shuffle towards the door. They crowd the exit, shout something that sounds like a count, and then they’re gone, closely followed by the second, larger group who do much the same thing.  
  
Lupin has shifted towards the door and films the 3-man group as they exit, then he rolls down the door and bangs on the partition between him and the pilot. The light switches to red and the plane accelerates while making a long slow turn to the left. Lupin has his helmet on now, fastening the straps, and Severus’ heart thumps loudly in his chest. This is it. This is his first skydive, but it’s not the one he’d thought he’d make. At least he’ll have this experience before…. the next one.  
  
He shakes his head to dispel those thoughts and stands at Mike’s urging. Mike steps up behind him and Severus feels the clasps attaching his harness to Mike’s, then the jerking movements as the slack is cinched up. Now it’s difficult to walk, but fortunately, Mike has long legs and they manage to shuffle not-too-clumsily to the door. Lupin is there, his eyes and camera-packed helmet trained on Severus, and he gives two enthusiastic thumbs-up. Severus is suddenly nervous, but he knows that if he can’t force himself to get out of the plane this time, he’ll never be able to do it by himself tomorrow, so he steels his reserve.  
  
The green light flashes on the partition and Lupin yells “Jump run!” before rolling up the door. This close to the exit, the cold wind blast and noise is formidable, and Severus feels himself balk; feels his legs lock up for a moment as some sense of self-preservation kicks in. Mike slaps him on the upper arm and shouts “You ready?” and Severus nods mutely. He watches in fascination as Lupin slides out of the door, not falling away as the others did, but clinging to the side of the plane  _on the outside_  like some sort of human limpet. Mike and Severus shuffle to the doorway, the blood pounding in Severus’ ears, and for a moment there is crystal clarity - Severus can see the sky, the ground, Lupin hanging outside the door, the camera mere feet away from Severus’ face. The beating of his heart and the rush of blood rival the wind noise, and there’s a flash of Albus’ face in the train station, turning away and jumping, and he barely hears Mike’s “Ready, Set, GO!” before there’s a disorienting sense of falling forward and spinning and tumbling, but Severus concentrates on Lupin’s helmet as he falls with them, and then they’re spinning and suddenly the airplane is behind Lupin, falling  _with_  them, and Severus fixates on it, his mind needing to latch onto something concrete, something known, something solid. He stares in amazement as it falls, falls, falls away and his hands flail in front of him as he pushes against what feels like an invisible pillow, his body arched beneath Mike’s, his legs up and behind him.  
  
The wind noise is loud as it rushes past him, making him gasp for air, even though there’s no shortage of it; in fact, it’s almost ramming into his nose. He barely hears Mike shouting something in his ear, and Severus follows Mike’s finger as he points at Lupin, who seems to be flying upside down, but then he rights himself before flying closer. This is the strangest thing that Severus has ever experienced - he’s falling, hurtling towards earth strapped to the belly of a virtual stranger with another almost-stranger sliding across the sky towards him.  
  
It’s incredible!  
  
Adrenaline slams through his body and he can’t possibly hope to take in everything around him. He’s  _falling_ , but it doesn’t feel like falling - he doesn’t know what it feels like, but it’s just unbelievable. The ground below him is painted with the warming tones of a setting sun and he’s never seen the earth from this angle. Laid out beneath him is the airport, the runways criss-crossing each other and he can see the lights of the runways and the buildings and the cars on the highway as Mike slowly turns them and Severus belatedly realizes that Lupin is still in the same position - he’s making a circle around them as they turn. Mike grabs his hands and gives Lupin a double thumbs-up, and then he’s waving his hands wide like he’s signalling for something. Lupin nods and starts floating up and away from them and Severus watches him go until he can’t see him any more, then suddenly there’s a hand on his forehead pressing him back against Mike’s shoulder and a flurry of movement before an enormous jerk snaps them out of the loud excitement of freefall.  
  
“HOLY  _SHIT!_ ” is the best Severus can manage in a completely breathless and shaky voice.  
  
Mike laughs behind him, and Severus now sees Lupin flying parallel to them, his smaller brighter parachute descending a bit faster than theirs. He circles them twice and then suddenly he’s spinning and diving away, hurtling towards the ground at a ridiculous speed. Severus is reminded forcefully of the plane doing much the same thing, but Mike is a firm warm presence behind him and he’s finally aware of the quiet around them. The parachute above them flaps softly in the breeze as they make large circles over the airport, and he can see where Lupin lands far below them, the bright colours of his parachute morphing and swirling around as it settles to the ground.  
  
Mike banks them left and right, pointing out the drop zone and various buildings, and Severus looks out over the setting sun, realizing that when he’d woken up that morning, his intention was never to see the day’s sunset. It’s bizarre how a life can change so drastically in one day.  
  
“Heads up, Severus.”  
  
He snaps his attention back to the ground below which is suddenly much closer than it had been and is getting even closer by the second. He sucks in a surprised breath and stiffens, almost trying to slow their descent, as though he has any control over the matter.  
  
“Hey, just relax, it’s ground rush. Remember what we practiced; bend your knees a bit and get ready to jog. There’s enough wind that we should have a good landing.”  
  
Severus nods - he does remember the training, but this is so completely different to any theoretical tips on landing that he’s really quite unsure he’ll be able to do it properly. They approach a large circular area from where Lupin appears to be filming, and there are several other people in the vicinity.  
  
“Ok, Severus, now wait for my count and we start to jog on three, okay. One…… two…….. THREE… let’s go let’s go…!”  
  
Severus starts moving his legs in a sort of jogging motion even though they’re still in the air. The ground is coming up rather quickly and his eyes are fixed on the target as Mike’s hands come down on either side of him with the brakes or whatever they are, and they’re slowing their forward momentum and descent speed and they’re maybe ten feet from the ground when the canopy does a little swoop and slows a bit more and then settles them on the ground. Severus is able to run out the landing even though it’s really awkward with another person attached so tightly behind him, but it’s only three or four steps before they’ve stopped. Several people run forward to help with the parachute as it falls to one side of them, and Severus’ heart is  _thundering_ , his legs slightly weak as he leans against Mike for a moment.  
  
“You okay, buddy?” Mike asks as he loosens the harness between them and unsnaps the buckles.  
  
Severus can only nod - his eyes must be as wide as saucers - and there’s general laughter again as he’s congratulated warmly by the group of strangers with handshakes and friendly claps on the back. He looks around and finally notices Lupin, the helmet now in his hands but apparently still recording everything. Their eyes meet, and Lupin has an enormous grin on his face.  
  
“Hey, Severus, is this your first tandem?”  
  
“Yes,” he says, still a bit breathless.  
  
Mike laughs and claps him on the shoulder.  
  
“And that, sir, is a case of beer!”  
  
  
~~~  
  
  
The drop zone is rather a raucous affair at night. Severus, following the apparently long-established ‘first time doing anything equals a case of beer’ tradition, buys a case of beer which is stashed in one of three old communal refrigerators under the eaves of the Loft. The Loft, itself merely a 20-foot trailer which has been converted into a place for repairs to be done to parachutes and gear, is the first of three structures on the drop zone.  
  
After Severus’ jump and de-brief, Lupin had shown him around the rest of the drop zone. The main feature of the place is an old World War II munitions bunker that is covered in grass and has been modified inside to house a small kitchenette and a lounge with old chairs and couches scattered throughout. Behind the bunker are two showers, barely more than wooden structures. The outdoor gathering area consists of benches along the two buildings that flank the bunker, making a sort of V-shape which shelters the fire pit from the winds. The second building is the Bunkhouse, aptly named as it houses ten bunk beds for drop zone guests and who Lupin describes as ‘the weekenders’ and, as such, are almost always booked.  
  
“So are you part of ‘the weekenders’?” Severus had enquired, surprising himself with the question.  
  
“Me? No, I’m pretty regular, practically live out here really.”  
  
Severus had been about to ask him where, when they were interrupted by someone who wanted Lupin to video her jump the following morning. With a wave and a smile, Lupin left, and Severus felt oddly bereft. He shook his head after a moment; there was no point in delving into friendships at this stage. He’d come here for one thing, and tomorrow he’ll complete it.  
  
Later that evening, Lupin calls everyone on the drop zone into the bunker where he’s rigged his video camera up to the tv. Severus is uncomfortable around so many people, and he feels as though the curved walls are closing in on him, but Lupin smiles and beckons him closer, and he soon finds himself ensconced on an old armchair in front of the tv. All the other seats and horizontal surfaces are quickly occupied.  
  
Lupin, obviously a crowd favourite, announces the video amid much fanfare and applause from the gathered crowd, while Severus tries to make himself as small as possible in the seat.  
  
And suddenly he isn’t sure that he wants to share this with people, with complete strangers, but the video starts and there are shots of Severus in the manifest building, of him getting measured and suited up, and of practicing the dirt dive. He looks at himself on the screen, the scowl, so prevalent at first, and then fading as he becomes more involved in the practice and the movements, and he begins to look like a different person. A few shots of them in the plane, the video Lupin had shot of the 3-way exiting the plane, and then Severus and Mike shuffling to the door, standing in the open doorway and the angle is just incredible, it’s Severus leaning  _out of the door_  and Lupin obviously flattened against the body of the plane.  
  
A moment, a pause, and then the camera shakes slightly as they’re away, Severus’ arms flailing as he remembers them doing, the plane turning and diving around them, the small white shuttlecock-looking drogue chute deployed (Severus never even felt that during his jump) and then they settle into freefall.  
  
Severus is taken aback; he can’t tear his eyes away from the moving images as the camera zooms in on his face, well, his and Mike’s at first, and then on Severus specifically, until the entire screen is just his face, open and alive and excited and incredulous, and all too soon it’s over, just as it had been in the air, and Lupin’s parachute opens gracefully overhead as he swings around for a parting shot before looping and diving for the ground.  
  
Severus shivers as Lupin’s camera approaches the ground, remembering all too well the feeling of the ground rushing up at him, but Lupin touches down softly among the few people at the target site. There’s laughter, and a flurry of movement, and then the camera is trained on Severus and Mike coming in to land under their large canopy. Severus can clearly hear Mike’s voice on the video telling him to “Let’s go, let’s go” and their jog doesn’t look quite as awkward as it had felt.  
  
Once more, the camera zeroes in on Severus’ face, and … he’s never seen himself look so… alive! There’s Mike’s crack about the case of beer and a shot of Severus’ bemused face, and then the tv goes blank. Lupin bends to disconnect the cables while still-almost-complete strangers are laughing and smiling at Severus and slapping him on the shoulder in shows of camaraderie and friendship and… acceptance. He hasn’t been touched in years, certainly not by this many people, and his heart clenches, hurts; the ice around his heart cracks and melts just a little. He blinks back what must surely be dust in his eyes, because it can’t possibly be tears, but the emotion threatens to choke him, to choke the life back  _into_  him!  
  
There’s still much cheering and toasting to Severus’ health amid chants of ‘blue skies, black death’, and the ruckus is all a bit much to take for a man who is so used to being alone.  
  
The crowd gradually filters outside, and Severus takes some time to collect himself, looking at the display of photographs pinned to many cork boards at the back of the bunker. After a while, Lupin ambles over, beer in hand.  
  
“So, what’d you think?”  
  
“Of the video? It’s really something; I didn’t expect… all of this.”  
  
Lupin quirks a questioning eyebrow. “All of what? The video? The community? We can be a bit loud and very energetic, but it’s a nice group to be part of. Hey, since you’re here for the weekend, or at least until tomorrow, did you arrange a bed in the bunk house?”  
  
“I- hadn’t made any plans,” he says evasively.  
  
“Well it seems pretty full already - where are you sleeping tonight?”  
  
“I really hadn’t thought about that.”  
  
“I have a trailer behind the Bunkhouse. It’s not much, but the couch pulls out into a bed, and it’s quite comfortable.”  
  
Lupin’s offer catches Severus by surprise, partly because he hadn’t considered being alive this long, and therefore didn’t made any plans, and partly - and perhaps even more remarkably - because Lupin doesn’t make him feel pressured or obligated in any way; it feels like just a friendly suggestion.  
  
“I-” Severus isn’t sure what to do with friendly anything.  
  
“Hey, look, it’s no big deal, just a place to crash, y’know? Up to you, though.”  
  
“No, that’s a very kind offer, Lupin, and thank you. I didn’t bring any extra clothes or anything; didn’t plan to… stay… for long.”  
  
Lupin cocks his head to the side and looks at him with a considering gaze. Severus refuses to squirm. All the unexpected attention makes him feel slightly uncomfortable. He’s not used to other people seeing him.  
  
“Well, my shirts should fit you, and tomorrow the DZ store in Manifest will be open, so you can get shorts or t-shirts or whatever else you’d like. Failing that, the 24-hour convenience store at the corner by the main entrance to the airport has toiletries and a few clothes items, mostly touristy things. There are also a few clothing shops at the strip mall further along the road if you need anything more specific tomorrow.”  
  
“Thanks. I can head over to the convenience store now to pick up a few things.”  
  
Lupin’s smile dazzles Severus, and even though it’s been hours since the skydive, he can’t help but return it.  
  
“You can take the service road from here around to the airport’s side entrance – that’ll put you out just before the store. You can come back the same way too, saves all the waiting for traffic lights and turn signals.”  
  
“Local knowledge, eh? Thanks.”  
  
“Sure. Hey, give me a couple minutes, let me grab my wallet and I’ll go with you. I need to get some stuff too, might as well do it now.”  
  
“That’s- You don’t have to-”  
  
Lupin reaches out and taps him on the upper arm. “No, it’s fine, really. Can’t have you getting lost, can I, not when you just got here.”  
  
Severus might be imagining it, but there’s something underlying in Lupin’s jocular tone, but it’s nothing worth thinking about. He might almost call it… flirting.  
  
Which is insane. Nobody flirts with Severus Snape, and least of all someone like Lupin, with his joie de vivre and his youthful good looks and all that energy, someone who has so many friends and is genuinely liked by people. No, that’s not the sort of person who’d want anything to do with Severus. Damaged goods only lessen the value of everything else around them.  
  
He’s shaken out of his thoughts by Lupin’s return, and they take his car after he remarks that Severus has a ‘primo parking spot’ under the shady tree. Apparently Lupin has his ‘usual’ parking place near his trailer, but there is something of an ongoing ‘one-upmanship’ among the other skydivers to get the so-called ‘good spots’ in the parking area. Another strange Drop Zone tradition, and Severus can’t help but be a bit captivated by the way Lupin seems to smile all the time. It’s quite astonishing.  
  
The convenience store has what he wants in terms of toiletries, but nothing suitable for him to wear. Lupin gathers a few items and they pay and head back to the drop zone. They park and Lupin takes him across to his trailer so that they can put away their purchases. It’s a fairly nondescript thing in shades of grey and white, and on the front of it there’s a large graphic of a mountain scene with a river, and the name ‘Grey Wolf’.  
  
Severus has never been inside one of these things, and is surprised at how relatively spacious it is. They enter through the back door into a kitchen which flows into a living and dining area. Everything is finished in wood and tones of brown, grey and white, and it’s very… soothing.  
  
“So, let me give you the tour. It’s your average 26-foot trailer. Kitchen area here, fridge behind this door, living and dining over there, that couch folds out into your bed, then there’s the small bathroom, complete with shower, but I use the ones at the DZ ‘cause they have awesome hot water, and then my bedroom’s through there.”  
  
Severus looks past him to see a surprisingly large room and queen-sized bed. There’s also no door separating the bedroom from the rest of the trailer, merely a curtain. He feels a bit awkward at the thought of sleeping in such a relatively small space with another person, but he’s seen the bunkhouse and, no, he knows that he couldn’t bear the thought of that many people around him, breathing, snoring, living.  
  
They head back to the dropzone and the groups of people gathered around the firepit, and Mike beckons them over. They’re soon joined by another jumper, Jay, and they sit in reasonably comfortable silence as they listen in on the general banter and stories of skydives past, one or more of them chiming in whenever appropriate. Many hours later, after pizza and beer have been consumed and the crowd has dwindled down to ten people or so, Severus realizes that he’s exhausted. He tries hard not to yawn too obviously, but fortunately, Lupin’s ready to turn in himself.  
  
Back at the trailer, Lupin organizes Severus with a pillow, blanket and a towel, then, after making sure the couch is pulled out and properly arranged, he bids Severus good night, pulling the curtain closed behind him.  
  
  
Severus feels tired, and it’s a long time before he actually drops off to sleep, but he wakes perhaps an hour later, unsure of what’s disturbed him. The trailer is unusually quiet, only the gentle not-quite-snores coming from Lupin’s bedroom breaking the silence. He feels unsettled, and he knows that he won’t be able to sleep again for a while. Rather than lie awake and think, he gets up quietly, pulls on his shoes and a jacket, and leaves, walking along the stone path to the fireside. Unsurprisingly, he’s alone, but the logs still glow in the stone pit, and with a bit of fanning and some more wood and a bit of paper, he soon has a small blaze going once more.  
  
He stares at the flames, the way they flare up brightly and then die, only to burn again like some sort of Phoenix. The fire is warm, but he’s still chilled to the bone as tomorrow looms ever closer.  
  
“Hey.”  
  
Severus doesn’t jump, but it’s a near thing. He’d never heard Lupin’s approach, and he turns his head and nods in greeting. “Sorry if I woke you.”  
  
“No, no, I wasn’t sleeping really, just dozing. I’m not used to having another person breathe in my house.” Lupin grins impishly. “Or, at least, not unless he’s in my bed.”  
  
 _Oh, well, that puts things out there, doesn’t it._  “Yes, I can quite imagine,” he says noncommittally.  
  
Lupin raises an eyebrow. “Can you?”  
  
Severus isn’t willing to touch any of that with a ten-foot pole, and he’s quick to steer the conversation towards Lupin and the drop zone.  
  
“Do you live out here permanently?”  
  
“Pretty much. I’m taking some time off from teaching high school history. I found that I felt a little…. hemmed in, for lack of a better word, and I just needed some freedom for myself.”  
  
“And how’s that working out for you?”  
  
Lupin grins. “It’s doing okay. I live simply enough, you know? I have the trailer which I bought off of a friend for next to nothing, fixed her up and moved her into that spot. The DZ’s owners are okay with it, in fact, they’re happy because they have a full-time video man and packer during the week as well as the weekends.” He shrugs. “It keeps me busy, but I still have time for myself.”  
  
“So this place is open every day?”  
  
“Mondays are our official days off, but other than that, yeah. Tuesdays are a bit quiet, they’ve started a ‘Jump The Hump’ on Wednesday afternoons,. Get it? Wednesday…Hump Day?”  
  
Severus groans and nods, which apparently is just the reaction Lupin was aiming for, if his laughter is anything to go by.  
  
“Then the weekenders start arriving from Thursday night, most of them are in by Friday, and it’s jump, jump, jump the weekends.”  
  
“So when do you get the time for yourself?”  
  
“Mondays I usually leave the DZ and drive out to the beach, it’s only about half an hour away. I stop off at a sandwich place along the way and pick up a footlong, then park my car on the beach, eat half, and then share the other half with the seagulls. It’s a nice way to spend a day.”  
  
Severus huffs in reluctant amusement at Lupin’s pleased grin.  
  
“But enough about me, Sev. So what do you do when you’re not here skydiving?”  
  
Severus twitches a bit at the old high school nickname, so often said with derision, but Lupin has no way of knowing that. “I’ve only been here one day.”  
  
Lupin smiles softly and ducks his head. “Indulge me.”  
  
 _Why does that sound so much like an invitation?”_  
  
“I’m-  _how can Severus put this properly_  between jobs at the moment. Just couldn’t keep doing what I was doing, had to make a clean break.”  
  
“What did you do before?”  
  
“Financial consultant,” Severus replies shortly, really not wanting to get into  _that_  story, for that meant talking about his failures, and about Albus, and more failures…  
  
“New York?”  
  
Severus nods in affirmation but doesn’t elaborate, and perhaps Lupin finally catches on that Severus doesn’t want to discuss it.  
  
“Wow, well good for you, it’s very brave to give that up. I hope things work out for you, and I also hope that we see you around here more often. Some people try skydiving and they like it, and then, for some people, it changes their lives.”  
  
It feels like a lie to meet Lupin’s eyes, even though Severus knows that the only person he’s really lying to is himself. He’d come out to the drop zone ready to die,  _willing_  to die, life be damned, and yet, incredibly enough, he’d found something that he hadn’t expected.  
  
Lupin shifts on the bench and then stands, tucking his hands into his front pockets.  
  
“Hey, I’m done in, gonna go get some sleep. Door’ll be unlocked when you’re ready.”  
  
Severus just nods and watches as Lupin leaves, his body and clothes illuminated by the fire until he’s too far for the glow to reach him.  
  
  
~~~  
  
  
The next morning, Severus is awoken by Lupin clunking around the small trailer. He pushes aside the curtain, jeans partly unbuttoned, his rather nice chest and torso on display, brushing his teeth while tugging a t-shirt over his head. It’s not going well, and Severus lies there in disbelief and a fair bit of interest as the grown man loses his battle with his toothbrush. He gags a bit and, ducking inside the bathroom, there’s the sound of running water for a minute before he emerges, wiping his face with the towel and grinning.  
  
“Morning, Severus. It’s an early start here on the weekends, regardless of how much drinking there was last night.” He makes air quotes at the last bit.  
  
Severus checks the time. 7:20am.  
  
“Lupin, what the hell…”  
  
“Breakfast is on in the Manifest building until eight thirty. Better get a move on before it’s all gone. It’s not much, but it’s free.”  
  
Severus grunts in reluctant acknowledgement, but Lupin’s already out the door. He groans and clambers out of the bed which was, true to Lupin’s word, quite comfortable. He folds the blanket and moves the pillow out of the way before folding the bed back into its couch configuration, then stands awkwardly for a moment wondering what to do with the other things before just settling them at one end of the couch. He doesn’t know if he’ll be back.  
  
It’s strange, to suddenly  _not_  be completely focused on suicide. Oh, he still seriously considers it, but it suddenly oddly doesn’t consume him, doesn’t take hold of every breathing moment, and even though he’s by no means cheerful, he’s not…. in such utter despair any more. Severus wonders whether it’s just a temporary thing, brought about by the incredible high of yesterday’s skydive, or whether it could be something more.  
  
He doesn’t dare to hope, though, and he’s been on this path for so long that it feels foreign to him to think of anything other than his goal. He remembers his despair after Albus’ death, and the long months that saw him sinking further down into the mire of helplessness and hopelessness, self-loathing warring with self doubt and recriminations. It’s never far away from his mind.  
  
He can’t go back to that. He just can’t, and that’s all that’s left for him.  
  
That way leads to despair.  
  
He shuffles to the bunker where he has a quick shower and uses the restroom, then walks over to the Manifest building to see what the breakfast is all about. There’s a surprisingly large crowd for it being so early, but Severus supposes that with the classes beginning at 9am, it’s not that unusual. He spots Lupin easily, the other man leaning against a tall wooden table next to the Manifest window. He smiles easily as Severus approaches and hands him a wrapped package.  
  
“Here, snagged you a bagel and some coffee over here. Hope you like cream cheese and ham, the choices were pretty limited by the time I got here.”  
  
Honestly surprised, Severus mutters his thanks, and Lupin smiles winningly before turning to his companion. “Lee, want you to meet Severus. He did his first tandem yesterday with Mike, and he’s signed up for Ed’s AFF class today. Severus, this is Lee, one of our high-timers, ex-military and all around good guy.”  
  
Lee smiles easily and nods, shaking Severus’ hand. “Good to meet you. Ed’s a great guy and an excellent jumpmaster. You’re in good hands.”  
  
“That’s what I told him, and still he doubts.”  
  
“I don’t doubt, Lupin. I’m simply questioning my life choices overall.”  
  
Lee and Lupin both burst out in loud laughter.  
  
“Did he buy his case of beer?”  
  
Lupin nods as Severus grunts, biting into his bagel.  
  
“Good, good, then you’re gonna fit in nicely around here. I’m gonna see Jen about organizing an early load, catch you guys later.”  
  
Severus nods, his mouth full, and Lupin salutes Lee’s retreating back with his coffee cup before turning to Severus.  
  
“So? Do I make a mean bagel or what?”  
  
“You made this?”  
  
“Well, technically I assembled it. I’m very good with my hands, you know.” He doesn’t leer, exactly, but he quirks his eyebrows in what might be considered a semi-suggestive manner. Severus swallows his mouthful in surprise, trying to hide a not-so-gentle stirring in his groin as he finds himself responding to the man in a way he hasn’t done in years, his mind working furiously trying to decide whether or not he’s actually being flirted with. He’s deciding how best to respond when a small group of women walk past on their way inside the Manifest building, and their calls of “Hey, Remus!” and “G’morning, sugar!” are enough to stay Severus’ tongue. Lupin turns towards them, arms wide, grinning as he announces “My darlings!” amid more laughter.  
  
No, obviously Lupin behaves that way with everybody, even though he was  _quite_  specific about having men in his bed. Severus firmly tells his newly awakened and quite interested libido to just sit this one out, it’s probably just nerves about starting the jump training. Besides, is he even reading Lupin properly?  
  
Before long, it’s 9 am and the announcement for Severus’ class is made. Ed the instructor turns out to also be ex-military, a significantly muscled man in perhaps his late-40s with a genuine smile and an easy manner. Not what Severus would have pictured for a military guy at all, but just as well, as there are more than a few giddy youngsters in the group. The class is six students, with Severus being the oldest and least likely to want to survive.  
  
The first hour is spent signing waivers and listening to Ed’s explanation of the parachute and the theory of lift and flight. There’s a short break and next they go over aircraft safety, the equipment and emergency procedures in excruciating detail. There’s a video to watch about freefall position, landing and canopy control.  
  
The class breaks for lunch and Severus’ head is spinning with all the information he’s been given. He’d thought that making a jump meant little more than strapping some equipment to your back and leaping out of an airplane, but this attention to detail and safety procedures, the failsafes and backup failsafes are much more than he’d ever expected.  
  
He catches a glimpse of Lupin walking towards an airplane with a large group of jumpers, his camera-laden helmet in his arms. He turns and waves at Severus but doesn’t stop, and Severus just nods in greeting. Lunch is a quick affair of a chicken salad sandwich, some chips and a water from a lunch cart operated by a trio of teenaged kids – the ‘DropZone Rats’ they’re called. Soon enough, his class is called back for the second half, the practical application. They all try on jumpsuits and choose helmets, gloves, goggles and altimeters, then go around to the back of the building to practice PLFs, Parachute Landing Falls, which, when done correctly, lessen the chance of injury should there be a problematic landing. They go through the exercise several times with Ed repeating the mantra, “Feet and knees together, soften your knees, elbows in tight and roll.” They jump from a short wall that’s maybe three feet high, just enough to give them a proper jolt when they land, but low enough to be safe. Fifteen minutes later, Severus’ body feels slightly battered, but Ed is satisfied that they won’t break ankles if they land hard. Ed introduces Pat, the second jumpmaster, and the students proceed to try on their parachute equipment and practice their emergency procedures again. They dirt dive their exit from the same mockup that Severus had used yesterday, only this time it’s much more involved, as both instructors maintain their hold on him throughout the entire event, as they will throughout the skydive.  
  
This causes Severus to re-evaluate his idea, since he’s not likely to be able to get any time by himself. Ed has already explained that both instructors will flank the student, physically holding on to the harness during freefall as the student repeatedly demonstrates a circle of awareness, altitude checks, plus their ability to locate the ripcord to the jumpmasters’ satisfaction before allowing the student to deploy the parachute. If the student fails, the instructors will do it for them. Severus briefly contemplates whether he can make a wild manouver and somehow getting away from the instructors, but he soon realizes that the iron grip they have on him will allow him to move precisely nowhere.  
  
Eventually it’s time to take to the skies. A couple of the students are visibly nervous and Severus scoffs at them unkindly, but then, he’s had the advantage of a first jump. He’s still not in a mood to be charitable but follows along with the rest of the class to the waiting area for the plane.  
  
They’ve all picked numbers for the jump order, and Severus is second. He closely observes the first diver as he gets into the plane, Ed and Pat following closely. There’s little point in actually watching the jump, since all he’ll be able to see is three tiny dots exit the plane at 13,000 feet, but the day is pleasant enough and the temperature is comfortable, so he leans back against the support pole of the outdoor packing area and looks around.  
  
There’s movement everywhere. The Dropzone Rats are still doing a brisk business at the side of the Loft, non-annoying music plays through speakers dotted around the DZ and there’s a short line at the Manifest window as well as a steady flow of people in and out of the building itself. Earlier, Severus had managed to have a quick look inside at the skydiving t-shirts, long-sleeved shirts, baseball caps, sandals, shoes, log books and all manner of other paraphernalia. He’d noticed one long-sleeved black and white shirt that he quite liked, but there’s no real reason to get it.  
  
It’s Severus’ turn soon enough, and despite him having been closely monitored by Ralph while putting on his jumpsuit, parachute rig and all the other items, his equipment is checked by Pat and then double-checked by Ed. Ralph clicks twice on the walkie talkie device that’s paired to a receiver located in Severus’ helmet so that he can talk Severus down once he’s under canopy, and Severus gives him the required thumbs-up. Ed gestures to the plane which has just landed after the previous load, and Severus will use this jump as a warm-up in order to feel out for areas of potential weakness on the part of the two instructors.  
  
Suddenly, he’s surprised to see Lupin come around the opposite side of the plane, complete with helmet and cameras, and Severus is profoundly thankful that he’s deferred his plans for this jump. He doesn’t know Lupin, not really, yet somehow he wouldn’t feel right about having the man bear witness to his demise while filming it.  
  
“Hey, Severus, finally ready to go do this thing by yourself?”  
  
“With two hangers-on, yes.”  
  
He grins. “Very necessary hangers-on, Sev.”  
  
He’s on the verge of saying “ _Don’t… call me Sev”_  when he realizes that, coming from Lupin, it doesn’t carry with it the same derision as it did from some of his old schoolmates. Perhaps he doesn’t mind the nickname that much really. It sounds almost… affectionate.  
  
“I’m on board with your jump – going to shoot some video.”  
  
Severus frowns for a moment in confusion; nobody mentioned anything about a video package, and it seems that they charge extra for that. He’s about to say something when Lupin’s shit-eating grin gives him pause. The man looks genuinely pleased with himself, and not at all mocking.  
  
“Lucky me.”  
  
“Damn right, lucky you.” Pat chimes in. “Lupin don’t usually give it away for free.”  
  
Severus whips his head around to look at Lupin, concerned that Pat has just defamed the man’s character, but is met with only loud laughter and wide grins. Ah, another inside joke, obviously. Severus is a bit tired of those; he’s not been around long enough to ‘get’ them, nor does he suppose he ever will be.  
  
As with the tandem, Severus, Pat, Ed and Lupin enter the plane first and sit right at the back of the compartment. There are two other 4-way teams on board with them plus their cameramen, training for the National Skydiving Championships, Lupin tells him, but other than that, they have the cabin to themselves. Ed explains that they cater a bit of extra room for AFF students.  
  
The ride to altitude is relatively brief, and before long they’re at 10,000 feet, the door rolls up and one of the teams is gathered at the exit. It’s quite a different thing seeing an actual team move together, so tight in their formation even before they leave the safety of the airplane. The second team shuffles behind them and waits for a few moments while they crowd together in the doorway, and they follow the same procedure.  
  
Then the plane ascends to 13,000 feet and Pat is next to the door, rolling it up and gesturing for Lupin, who does his trick of sliding outside the door and along the side of the plane. Severus and Ed approach the open door, Ed’s grip firm on his harness, and then Pat takes hold on the other side. Following the learned sequence, Severus looks at Ed and nods, does the same to Pat, they all shout “Ready, Set, GO!” and they’re in the air.  
  
The wind noise buffets him as before, and for a moment he’s almost overwhelmed by the sheer force of it, but the very solid presence of Ed and Pat help to centre him. He quickly pulls himself together and concentrates on remembering the drill he’s practiced, and he almost misses the sight of Lupin sliding through the air in front of them, which would have been a shame. Lupin’s body is tucked in tightly, his legs almost impossibly bent behind him, and the glittering array of cameras pointed directly at Severus, and beyond him there’s clear blue sky and the ground stretching away in all directions. It’s truly stunning; something he’d never thought about being able to see and yet something he’ll never forget.  
  
He snaps back to the task at hand, counts four seconds and then performs his circle of awareness, checking the horizon, his altimeter, then looking left and right. Ed and Pat both nod vigorusly and Severus starts the three practice ripcord pulls. Left arm raised over his head to counterract any spin, his right hand moves to touch his ripcord, then both arms back to neutral position in a stable arch, and repeat. It’s a lot more difficult to perform than he’d thought, the air rushing past so powerfully that he has to concentrate on moving his arms slowly and deliberately, but he does it. So far, so good. He checks his altimeter, 8,000 feet.  
  
Ed and Pat are still locked tightly to either side of him, and he looks to Ed, his main instructor, for confirmation. He nods, so Severus does another circle of awareness and returns to neutral position. 6000 feet. He chances a look at Lupin who’s not moved from his position in front of the trio, and then they’re down to 5000 feet. Severus waves off, reaches for his ripcord, grabs it firmly and pulls.  
  
Ed and Pat and Lupin fall away as a rippling sensation along Severus’ back heralds the release and deployment of his parachute. His downward momentum is slowed abruptly as the canopy snaps open above his head, and he has the same breathless feeling that he did with his tandem. His heart is pounding with excitement at his first real skydive - what an incredible experience! Even though he’d been so focussed on performing the steps perfectly, his mind is full of images of the freefall, and he’s suddenly and unexpectedly eager to see Lupin’s footage. He realizes that he’s still gripping the ripcord handle in his right hand (losing it means a $30 replacement fee), and he unzips the neck of his jumpsuit to tuck it safely inside.  
  
“Hey, Severus, how was that!?” Ralph’s voice is in his ear.  
  
He swings his legs in acknowledgement, and Ralph proceeds to talk him through the rest of the jump. Severus remembers most of it from the ground school instructions, but he can’t deny that having someone’s voice in his ear is quite calming. Ralph has him do a control series to test the steerability of the parachute, first a left turn, then a turn to the right, then he practices pulling down on both steering lines to flare, a parachute’s version of brakes. He’s allowed a few moments to just look around, and he marvels that the canopy ride is so different to being in freefall. There’s none of the noise and excitement and rush of action, it’s a much more gentle and settled experience, the parachute flapping in the wind, and Severus can hear the shouts of people on the ground. He kicks his legs again, and Ralph is back on the radio, laughing and guiding him into the pattern for the landing, the downwind at 1800 feet, turning right onto the base ‘leg’ at 1500 feet, then onto final approach at 1000 feet. From there, Ralph reminds him to just keep his heading, to glance around for other canopies in the air, but focusing mainly on the landing area. Severus can see Ralph and a few other people standing around the landing zone, and he remembers the feeling of ground rush from yesterday’s tandem, but although he doesn’t seem to be going as fast under this canopy, the feeling is still disorienting. Ralph is a steady presence in his ear, calling out the preparation steps at 500 feet, “You’re on final approach, no more turns”, at 300, “Hands all the way up and prepare to flare,”, and as Severus approaches the ground, “Flare, flare, flare and hold it.”  
  
Severus brings down both steering lines in front of his torso and the parachute slows almost to a stop before tipping slightly to the right, but it’s low enough to the ground that Severus only has to take a couple running steps to come to a safe stop. The other people are quick to come to Severus’ side to help him with collapsing the parachute, and he stands victorious on shaky legs as he acknowledges that he has indeed skydived by himself for the very first time.  
  
He thought the rush of the tandem couldn’t be beaten, but this! This is something so completely incredible that he can’t find words for it. He’s trembling with excitement as Lupin walks up to him, grinning, cameras pointing at him with the expected shout, “Hey, Severus! CASE OF BEER!!!!”

 

For the second time in as many nights, Severus pays up. There are many jokes made about just how many cases he does in fact owe: first AFF jump, first ripcord pull, first solo canopy ride, first solo landing, first jump on a Saturday, and at first he instinctively pulls away, suspicious that they’re making fun of him or trying to put one over on him. Lupin must notice his expression and explains that it’s another drop zone tradition of inventing ‘firsts’, that it wasn’t mockery, but a welcome, an acceptance into the fold.  
  
This kind of acceptance is something that Severus has never experienced.   
  
He makes one more skydive that day, Level 2 in which he’s required to repeat the steps from Level 1, but also add forward movement. While the other students do their first jumps, he practices the leg extension on a rolling board that looks like a glorified skateboard with padding until he feels reasonably confident in his ability. Ed and Pat agree and they take a late-afternoon load up together with a plane full of jumpers. Two of Severus’ classmates had completed their first jump but decided that it wasn’t the sport for them, so they’d left soon afterwards. Of the remaining four, Severus is the only one who elects to do a second jump that day.  
  
Back in glorious freefall again and a little more prepared for the air buffeting his body, the three practice pulls come more easily, as do the leg extensions on Ed’s signal, and he’s able to move forward reasonably well. Ed and Pat’s grips are still firm on his harness, but an enthusiastic thumbs-up from Ed means that Severus has passed the second level. He takes a moment to check his altimeter, 6000 feet, before glancing around at the setting sun, again astonished at how differently the day has turned out. Two sunsets that he’d never intended to see, and his heart aches just a little at the thought of what else might happen that he’d never intended. He returns his attention to the altimeter until the 5000-foot wave off and pull altitude. The canopy opens beautifully overhead once more, and Ralph’s voice in his ear guides him down to the ground just as safely as before. Lupin wasn’t on his jump this time, but sure enough, there he stands in the landing zone, cameras in hand, and a big grin on his face. Severus grins at him in return, the flood of adrenaline and the incredible feeling of accomplishment making him almost light-headed.  
  
After his debrief and stowage of his gear, Severus seeks out Lupin, who’d promised to show him the video footage he’d taken of his first AFF jump. His body is practically buzzing with an energy that he can barely contain and he bursts through the door to the bunker with a vigor that must have surprised Lupin, if the look on his face is anything to go by.  
  
“There he is!” Lupin announces to the empty room. “The two-jump wonder! How do you feel, man?”  
  
Severus tries to find the words, struggling for suitable adjectives but finds that every one falls short of what he wants to say. Eventually, he settles for “amazing!”. Lupin laughs, eyes crinkling in amusement.  
  
“Hey, Sev, I know, eh? You can’t explain skydiving to someone who’s never done it, and to someone who has, there’s just no need. It just makes you feel… alive!”  
  
Severus nods, and there’s a long moment where the two of them just stare at each other.. It’s not uncomfortable, but there’s a definite undercurrent of something almost palpable. Severus’ heartrate is still elevated and he doesn’t think it’s just from the jumping and the adrenaline; no, not if the way Lupin turns his head away slightly while still maintaining eye contact is anything to go by. He’s also been half-hard since he landed, and with Lupin looking at him like that means that THAT definitely hasn’t gone away.  
  
“I- think we should maybe go over this footage,” Lupin mercifully breaks the stalemate before things get… well, awkward isn’t a word Severus would use, but… yeah, things were definitely going somewhere.  
  
“Yes! Good plan, show me what you’ve got.” He groans mentally at how unintentionally…  _provocative_  that sounds.  
  
Lupin regards him from under half-closed eyes. “With pleasure,” and the words are almost a growl, sending a shiver up Severus’ spine. He manages to hold himself together for the duration of the video, Lupin pointing out various things that Severus wouldn’t have known about or seen, like his leg position while in freefall. Ed had already mentioned his having to work on his stable arch, but with the visuals, Severus is more able to see what Ed had been talking about. He tends to keep his legs tucked up behind him, bent at the knees, but to be truly stable in the air, especially when jumping solo as he will have to do in a couple jumps or so, he will need to fall in a controlled position, not only vertically, but horizontally as well.  
  
Severus nods as Lupin explains, and makes a note to go over the positioning with Ed the next day. They get to the end and start packing up Lupin’s equipment when the bunker door slams open, revealing Kyle, one of the dropzone regulars, an expert skydiver, Navy SEAL and overall party guy.  
  
“Remus! Buddy, time for a beer run.”  
  
Lupin straightens and gives Kyle an incredulous look. “Six AFF first jump students and we’re out of beer? What the hell sort of place is this! Standards are seriously dropping, my man!”  
  
Kyle laughs, his head thrown back as he holds onto the doorframe. “Two of them skated out early, man, couldn’t hack it, but they left the money for their cases. Just gotta go get ’em, but I’m a bit too shit-faced for that, y’know?”  
  
Lupin nods, and with a quick glance at Severus, says “We’ll go, Sev and I. Gimmie ten minutes to get this stuff in order?” It’s a question for both Severus and Kyle, it would appear, and Severus nods his assent.  
  
“Square deal! Thanks, man.”  
  
Lupin waves away his thanks. “Don’t mention it. You want anything special? Or just the usual?”  
  
“Usual’s fine. Crowd favorite.”  
  
“You got it.”  
  
They drop Lupin’s equipment off at his trailer and take his car to the same convenience store at the corner of the airfield. Half an hour later, they’re back with the cases of beer which are met with roaring praise by the assembled masses at the firepit. Severus takes a seat under the Manifest awning and watches as Lupin makes the rounds of the crowd, having a word here and there with individuals and groups of people. He’s obviously very well liked, and Severus sips on his beer as he ponders what happens next for him.  
  
He knows that he has to go back to his apartment at some point, but he knows that he can’t return to that life. He can’t stay in the city, in that apartment where desolation and despair and lonliness threaten to suffocate him. He hasn’t quit his job, merely taken a leave of absence, and he initially thought that his death would make the point moot. He wonders where his life can head now that he’s at this crossroads; he doesn’t think that he wants to end his life any more, but where does that leave him exactly?  
  
Sunday morning is overcast, and Severus is disappointed to learn that the winds are too high for student jumpers. He’s not bitter, not exactly, but looks on with something that feels a lot like yearning as the experienced divers go up and battle against the wind. There are a few rather spectacular landings which truly show the skills of the individuals, especially when gusts come across the landing area, but everyone lands safely.  
  
The morning passes pleasantly enough, but low clouds roll in just after 2pm and Manifest announces that all flights are grounded until further notice, as the cloud layer is below the minimum safe opening altitude for even the most experienced skydivers. Kyle gets together a small group of jumpers who march back and forth in front of the Manifest window chanting “Beer Light! Beer Light!” and Lupin explains that there’s a strict ‘No Drinking’ rule on the dropzone until the last plane load has taken off. Once that happens, everyone is free to enjoy their alcohol of choice. Kyle’s group waits in eager anticipation and, after confering with the DZ owners, Jen grabs the microphone and announces “Okay, folks, the beer light is ON!” A large “Miller” neon light comes on over the refrigerators, and loud cheers of victory accompany the announcement as the ‘protesting’ group makes a mad dash for the refrigerators of beer, cheerfully handing out cold brews to anyone who wants one.  
  
Lupin had managed one skydive, not shooting video this time, but part of a 6-way with Pat, Ed and some other jumpers who Severus doesn’t know. He comes over to where Severus is sitting with the other students and throws himself down on the bench next to Severus, his typical wide grin at full wattage.  
  
“Beer?” Severus offers, and gets up to fetch him one at his affirmative nod.  
  
“Blue skies,” Lupin says as they clink the bottle necks together.  
  
Severus frowns. “Not today, in case you hadn’t noticed all the grey clouds.”  
  
Lupin laughs. “That’s a skydiver saying. It’s a way to say hello and goodbye, cheers, to wish someone luck; it’s almost a sacred phrase, a sort of salute to the sky. Also, in the most practical sense, it’s wishing skies of blue so that we can jump all day long.”  
  
“So what about the ‘black death’ that some people say after?”  
  
“That’s the entire saying, and I’m not really sure where it came from originally. I’ve always thought that it meant that the ground is death if you’re not careful, y’know? If you don’t treat it with respect it can really mess you up.”  
  
Lupin finishes his beer in a long gulp, and Severus can’t help but swallow at the way he tosses his head back and just… takes it all. A shiver goes through him, and it’s not the cold, in fact, he’s feeling a bit warm right at the moment.  
  
“Hey, Sev, have you met the DZ owners yet? I don’t think I introduced you to them.”  
  
Both thankful for and resentful of the interruption, Severus shakes his head.  
  
“They’re still in Manifest; let’s head on over.”  
  
Severus is introduced to Jerry and Zana, the co-owners of the place, and when they hear about him being ‘between jobs’ and his lack of enthusiasm at sleeping among many people, they offer him the use of an empty camper behind the Bunkhouse in lieu of his going back to the city during the week. Severus wants to leap at the chance, yet something gives him pause, almost as though it’s too good to be true. Good things don’t happen to Severus, but the way Lupin’s smiling at him...  
  
“Oh, go on, Severus, take it. At least you won’t have to listen to me snore.”  
  
“You don’t snore, Lupin,” he says without thinking, and looks up to see twin expressions of gleeful satisfaction on Lupin and Zana’s faces.” Jerry laughs out loud. “Oh, you stepped RIGHT into that one, Severus. Damn.” And even Severus has to smile at them. It will be good to be out of the city, out of the life that threatens to crush him.  
  
All too soon, the day comes to a close, and Severus mentally prepares himself for the two-hour drive back. He says his goodbyes to Zana, “Call me Z, please; everyone does” and Jerry. Jen has gone home early, and the dropzone is practically empty by the time he walks to his car in the parking lot. He’s just put his duffel bag in the trunk and about to open the driver’s side door when Lupin catches up with him, a brown paper bag in his hand. He thrusts it at Severus with a little smile, and inside is the black and white long-sleeved skydiving tshirt that he’d admired.  
  
“What’s this for?” he asks, surprised.  
  
Lupin ducks his head, looking almost shy, and steps closer.  
  
“I saw you looking at it.”  
  
Severus is not breathless, he’s  _not!_  
  
“Yes, I was.”  
  
And Lupin moves in closer still, his body nearly flush with Severus’, crowding Severus back against the doorframe.  
  
“Forgive me if I’m reading this wrong…”  
  
“No,” Severus’ voice wavers embarrassingly. “No, you’re- ah, not reading it wrong.”  
  
Lupin’s eyes almost gleam in the light, and the smallest smile plays on his lips.  
  
“Good,” he murmurs, and in the next moment he’s kissing Severus, not hesitant pecks or even halting presses of lips, but enthusiastically, with tongue, and teeth, and it’s impossibly electric! His hand slides down Severus’ side and around his hip, pressing their two bodies together, and then, even as Severus answers with kisses of his own, Lupin’s hand pushes against Severus’ cock, already  _so_  hard that he moans into Lupin’s mouth, his hips thrusting up into his grip.  
  
Lupin, the tease, squeezes him gently but firmly, and Severus sees stars as his body quivers, but then Lupin’s pulling back, easing off his grip, gentling Severus with soft kisses that promise more than they deliver.  
  
They finally pull apart, breathing heavily, and Severus has never felt less like leaving, especially with the slightly debauched look that Lupin has going on.  
  
“I’ll see you next week. Drive safe.”  
  
Severus can only nod as Lupin walks away, and as he nears the edge of the bunker, he turns and gives Severus a farewell wave. He returns it, and adjusts himself before climbing into the car. Fuck, it’s going to be a long drive back.  
  
  
~~~  
  
  
By Friday, Severus is ready to return to the drop zone. He’s been in contact with Jen who assured him that the camper is ready for him, and standing in the detritus of what used to be his life, he can’t see a reason for delaying. The man who had left was a broken thing with no hope, but the man who stands here now is, maybe not blooming with hope, but he sees the world differently.  
  
He’s ended his lease and cancelled the insurance, closed his bank account and sold everything. He doesn’t have many possessions that he wants to take with him, and he packs everything he’s taking into two large duffel bags. It doesn’t seem like much, but the less he’s reminded of his life before, the better.  
  
The drive is somehow shorter than he remembers, even though the clock tells him that traffic delays actually add more than thirty minutes to his transit time. He isn’t bothered by it, and as he turns off the highway and onto the now-familiar gravel road, he feels an inexplicable sense of coming home, only not to any home he’s ever known before.  
  
Lupin isn’t on the DZ, but Jen is quick to get him squared away. The camper is almost as large as Lupin’s, and similarly equipped. It’s a matter of minutes for Severus to stow his clothes and other items, and he’s washing his hands in the kitchen sink when someone raps on the open door. Turning, he’s met with Lupin, grinning as he stands at the bottom of the steps, looking as fresh and boyish as he did the first time Severus saw him, and he can’t help his smile in return.  
  
They get supplies for Severus’ camper: groceries, a set of sheets and towels, and Lupin insists on beer. Later, they sit on Severus’ couch and toast to new beginnings, and Severus can’t help but feel that his life is changing in significant ways.  
  
The drop zone is buzzing over the weekend, and Severus has his hands full on both days with his jump course. He manages to complete Levels three through six, although on the last jump Severus isn’t comfortable with being purposely made unstable on exit from the airplane, and he flails, despite knowing the procedure and trusting Ed, now his single instructor. He’s disappointed in himself and angry that he’s not able to simply force himself into compliance with his own wishes. Ed assures him that it’s a very common reaction, the nickname ‘Tricky Six’ well deserved, and Severus nods, knowing that he expects too much from himself, but nonetheless he’s disappointed that he didn’t succeed.  
  
Ed calls an end to their jumping just before lunch on Sunday, and Severus heartily agrees, shaking Ed’s hand and confirming the following weekend’s jumps. After a quick lunch, Severus walks towards the shower stalls at the back of the bunker, his towel and change of clothes draped over his shoulder. He hasn’t seen Lupin around in the past hour or so, but the other man always seems to be all over the place, helping people here, videoing dirt dives and skydives over there, packing… it’s a wonder Severus had seen him at all this weekend.  
  
What Severus  _has_  seen of him though is really quite delightful eye-candy. Long and lean with a ready smile, Severus can't fool himself by pretending that he isn't attracted to the man. He can't remember a time when he's had such an intense and immediate response to someone - of either sex - and it's... well, it's a bit of a rush, really. He considers the benefits of a nice long leisurely wank in the showers while thinking about Lupin as he pulls open the door closest to him.  
  
“Jesus Christ!” a surprised voice shouts from inside, and Severus pauses in the open doorway, his mouth open and his cock, already at half-mast, pressing a bit uncomfortably against his jeans as his gaze takes in Remus Lupin, naked, water sluicing over his body.  
  
“Oh my god, I am  _so_  sorry! Honestly, I didn’t know anyone was in here.”  
  
Lupin gives him a thorough once-over before grinning.  
  
“The sound of the shower didn’t clue you in?”  
  
“I-” and Severus blushes, remembering just why he didn’t hear the shower. “I was distracted. Truly, I’m sorry, I’ll just leave-”  
  
In a flash, Lupin is standing right in front of Severus, so close that he can feel the steam that rises from that body. He tries to control the shiver that passes down his spine, but from the gleam in Lupin’s eyes, he suspects that he’s not been completely successful.  
  
“Mmmm. There’s nothing like danger to make a person horny, and I’m  _more_  than willing to distract you, Severus,” Lupin murmurs in a deep rumble which does ridiculous things to Severus’ knees. He tries to back out through the door, but Lupin’s quicker than him and has already swung it closed and latched the top.  _Fuck!_  
  
“Oh, yes, I think so exactly.”  
  
Severus blinks.  _Jesus, did I **really**  just say that out loud?_  
  
“In fact,” and here Lupin’s wet hands pluck Severus’ towel and clothes from his shoulder and hang them on some hooks nailed into the wall. Severus looks on helplessly as Lupin steps into his personal space, almost chest to chest against the wall. “In fact, Severus, I’d like to do more than that.”  
  
Severus’ breath leaves him in a whoosh as Lupin goes down on his knees, deftly unzipping Severus’ jeans and freeing his cock. The warm, moist air in the shower is eclipsed by the wet heat of Lupin’s mouth as he envelops Severus’ cock, one hand coming around to grip Severus’ ass and squeeze, causing Severus to buck forward into that mouth. A groan, not sure from who, and Lupin seems to almost unhinge his jaw as he takes Severus deeper and deeper into his mouth, the suction unbelievable. Severus’ hips jerk in tiny thrusts, he can’t think, his body simply reacting to the incredible stimulus, as Lupin reaches under to cup Severus’ balls, rolling them around gently and then tugging lightly, before moving his fingers back towards Severus’ perineum, and he’s coming before he can even process the thought.  
  
Severus empties himself into Lupin’s mouth as wave after wave of pleasure bombard him. He drifts in the post-orgasmic euphoria for a moment until he finds himself turned around none-too-gently till he’s facing the wall with a still-wet Lupin rubbing against him. Still on a high, Severus kicks one of his legs loose from the jeans now pooling at his feet and spreads his legs wide, arching his back slightly and cocking his ass up for Lupin’s pleasure. It’s been forever since he’s bottomed, but fuck, for this man, he’ll do it.  
  
Lupin, however, only squirts what seems to be hair conditioner between Severus’ cheeks and then he’s up against Severus’ back again, his formidable cock sliding easily between his cheeks and along the cleft of Severus’ ass, and  _fuck_  if that doesn’t feel good! Lupin speeds up his thrusts, occasionally dragging along the pucker of Severus’ ass, growling and grunting softly, and Severus clenches his cheeks, appreciating the stream of laughing profanity from Lupin’s mouth as he ruts once, twice and he’s coming in hot spurts across Severus’ back.  
  
They stay like that for several breathless moments before Lupin steps back and allows Severus room to turn around. The man's face is flushed as he ducks his head under the still-running shower, emerging soaking wet once more. He shakes his head, drops flying everywhere, including Severus' rather wet shirt.  
  
"Jesus, Lupin..." Severus complains, but only half-heartedly, mind.  
  
The man has the audacity to grin cheekily, and why that's so desperately sexy, Severus can't begin to process.  
  
"I think that after this, you should call me Remus."  
  
  
~~  
  
  
On the third weekend, Severus repeats his Level 6 jump successfully, easily handles Levels 7 and 8, and graduates amid cheers and laughter and  _joy_. His first skydive after is with Remus. They go up as filler on a student load, and their jump is nothing complicated, little more than freefall and barrel rolls, but throughout the entire jump he’s grinning wider than he ever thought he could. He lands easily, his canopy billowing behind him like a cloak as he watches Remus glide past him to land, and it’s more than just a friendly back-slapping hug when they meet.  
  
No, it’s more than that. So much more.  
  
This thing between them has grown from a subtle feeling to something more visceral, more urgent, especially after their tryst in the shower the previous weekend, but despite their spending quite a bit of time together in the week that followed, they haven’t actually had the opportunity to do more.  
  
The drop zone is abuzz with graduation fever, as not only Severus but two other students have graduated off of student status, and are now ready to take to the skies as regular skydivers. In his congratulatory speech, Jerry cautions them to continue to jump with more experienced divers and to learn from them, honing their own skills so that they can become more rounded as skydivers. Severus is eager for the challenge, and the beer flows freely as they all celebrate well into the night.  
  
The night slides easily into early morning and Severus’ body still buzzes with something close to excitement. He’s noticed Remus watching him all night, his expression almost predatory, even as he chats with others around the campfire, even as Severus talks with others, he feels Remus’ gaze on him like a touch.  
  
Or a caress.  
  
And it’s dangerous to think these things, dangerous to want something, some _one_  so much that it’s a physical ache, but he’s been half hard most of the night and there’s only so much that his jacket can hide. Remus must feel it too, as he finally walks over to where Severus sits with a few students, but whatever he was saying dies on his lips as Remus claps him on the shoulder and bids everyone goodnight.  
  
Severus is confused for a moment but follows him with his eyes, watches closely the way Remus walks past the bunker towards the trailers, and as he’s about to go behind the Loft and out of sight, he turns and removes his shirt, looking directly back at Severus, his expression intent.  
  
Severus’ heart thunders in his ears and he huffs out a shaky breath – that was definitely more than just a come-on. That was an implicit invitation. Jesus! He battles with himself for a few agonizing minutes during which he hears nothing but his own mind, he wants this, but he’s afraid to want it, but he can’t not want it. He’s denied himself so much in his past, kept himself so closely tethered, protected himself at all costs, but it didn’t end anywhere good, it led to him wanting to end it all. Remus is symbolic of his new freedom, his new life, and he forces himself to grab it with both hands.  
  
He bids those near him good night and, not even waiting for their replies, walks quickly along the path that Remus had taken only minutes before. His stomach in in knots, his heartbeat still pounding loudly in his ears, his palms sweaty, but he doesn’t waver from his path to Remus’ trailer. He hesitates, only once, at Remus’ door, where he paces back and forth in front of the entrance a few times while gathering his courage, even though he knows he shouldn’t need it, it’s  _Remus_ , who wants this just as much as he does. He takes a deep breath, exhales shakily, and knocks.  
  
Barely a moment later, Remus is at the door, opening it as widely as he’s opened himself to Severus. Severus hesitates just inside the door, not knowing how to give words to this thing he’s feeling, not knowing how to break the incredible tension.  
  
“I- wasn’t sure you’d come.” Remus, still shirtless, sounds as hesitant as Severus, and somehow that makes him less nervous, knowing that Remus has doubts too, insecurities too. He looks his fill at Remus, taking in the light dusting of hair on his upper chest and the way it dives down below his waistband.  
  
“I wasn’t sure either, but I’m here, Remus.”  
  
Remus breathes out a loud sigh, and then he’s sliding his hands up Severus’ arms, around his shoulders, and embracing him in a hug, plastering their bodies together, one hand coming around to cradle Severus’ head, and he’s never felt so protected. Severus exhales deeply, his body shuddering as he releases his fears, doubts, and accepts what he’s come there for.  
  
He embraces Remus, perhaps too hard, but it doesn’t seem to bother him, instead he presses kisses to Severus’ neck, throat, jaw, and finally their lips meet, sending jolts of electricity through Severus’ body. He’s almost overwhelmed by the sheer want and need he feels as Remus licks into his mouth, exploring, learning, and encouraging Severus to do the same.  
  
Remus’ body is hard against him, his hands everywhere, roaming up his arms, along Severus’ shoulders and down to the small of his back, down to cup his ass through his jeans, then back up again to repeat, open palms, fingers spread wide, a continuous loop of sensation.  
  
Severus allows himself time, both to feel what Remus is doing to him, and to appreciate the way Remus’ body feels under his hands, firm muscles overlaying a lean frame, the flex of his arms and the curve of his spine as he grinds his body into Severus’ and they both groan.  
  
“Want you, Severus.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
They manage to stumble-walk the few feet to the bedroom, and Remus pushes him down onto the bed. He goes willingly, breathlessly, and Remus crawls between his legs, diving in to kiss him deeply, his body rocking against Severus’. He pulls Severus’ legs around his waist, then pushes his arms up above his head, positioning him just so as he kisses and kisses, long, deep, drugging kisses that Severus can barely keep up with. He pushes Severus’ shirt up his chest and focuses his attention on his nipples and down his torso, unbuttoning his jeans as he does, biting at his hipbones and then soothing with his tongue.  
  
It’s driving Severus crazy, the way his skin is exposed to Remus’ every desire and he only craves more. Remus has turned him now, he’s face down on the bed as Remus removes Severus’ jeans and underwear. For a moment, Severus hesitates, not knowing just how far Remus wants to go, but in the next moment, Remus whispers in his ear, “Is this okay? I won’t do anything you don’t want to,” and Severus knows that he’s prepared to stop if that’s what he wants. He nods, gasping Remus’ name, desperate for more, and Remus drapes his body over Severus’, kissing up his spine with a tenderness that electrifies him. It’s almost painful, the way his body responds, his muscles trembling and tensing, his skin on fire, his body aching for him, for contact, for release.  
  
Remus moves agonizingly slowly up Severus’ spine and then bites him gently on the shoulder, finally breathing “Turn over” in a low growl, easing off of Severus only as long as it takes him to comply. The bedding feels surprisingly soft, even on Severus’ hypersensitive skin, but then Remus removes his own jeans and underwear before straddling his groin, the heat and weight of him pressing Severus into the bed, caging him in but he feels safe. He slides his hands up Remus’ legs to his hips, grips him there, holds him still for a moment. Remus’ cock stands proud, jutting out from his body, the tip darkly flushed and glistening, and Severus licks his lips as Remus slides the palm of his hand against Severus’ cock, his stomach quivering at the brush of Remus’ knuckles against the skin of his lower abdomen, his cock twitching, springing into Remus’ palm as he eases his own cock against Severus’, cocooning them both in his hand. He’s surprised by the heat of him, the softest feel of the skin around his cock, and as Remus pulls Severus’ foreskin back from the tip and rubs the heads of their cocks together, Severus almost jumps from the bed the feeling is so intense. Severus is shaking now, his entire body strung so tightly as Remus slides their cocks together through the tunnel of his two hands, hot, slick and so tight, and, God, Severus won’t last like this, Remus’ weight on him, his flushed face and chest above, and the yearning for him, his body strung so tightly, and Remus’ hands never stop in their tireless inexorable pull to orgasm.  
  
Severus feels the tightening of his body as the sensations coil deep inside him, everything coalescing into an overwhelming rush and he’s coming- coming harder than he’s ever done, mouth open, gasping, moaning, shuddering as Remus milks him, milks them both and he can barely breathe he’s so overwhelmed by it all. Remus is breathless too, the bastard, although he smiles as he strokes them both down from their high, and Severus is loose-limbed and pliant, physically drained, though his mind is awash with conflicting thoughts and emotions about the way that Remus has made him  _feel_.  
  
  
~~~  
  
  
Severus spends most of the following week in the Loft with various packers learning how to pack a parachute. Although it wasn’t necessary for the jump course – the student parachutes were all packed by licenced people –it is a requirement for the ‘A’ license, the first of several licenses denoting a skydiver’s skill. At first, the uninflated parachute resembles nothing more than yards of nylon fabric and lines, but after his second day of actually getting his hands on the parachute and understanding how everything comes together, he is able to continue fairly quickly. His analytical mind works well with logical progression, which this is.  
  
His days are full, and he’s exhausted at night, bone-tired in a good way from the physical work as well as the mental focus that he’s lacked for so long. It’s a challenge, one that he’s quite happy to accept and meet head-on.  
  
Another challenge is Severus’ life moving forward. There are new horizons and a new scope for him now, opportunities opening to him, and he’s hesitant to think that maybe there’s even a place for someone else in it.  
  
He does a jump on Wednesday with Remus and two other seasoned jumpers, Gordon and Matthew. It’s rather wobbly, and they only get two formations or ‘points’ done before it’s time to break away and get under canopy. They land and review the jump, and even though it didn’t go exactly as planned, there are still grins all around. Remus fills out Severus’ logbook as well as the license proficiency card, as this skydive counts towards his 25-jump requirement for his A license.  
  
Remus doesn’t push at all; he seems completely content to hang around in the Loft while Severus packs parachutes, offering advice whenever necessary. They eat lunch together on most days, and even though Severus has been over at his trailer on some nights, he’s usually so frazzled by then that he calls it a night early. Sure, there are kisses and they’ve even fooled around a bit, but Severus isn’t sure about making a move and Remus seems content to just let things be as they are. The weekends continue to be busy as summer approaches, and before long Severus realizes that he’s….. happy.  
  
It’s not that Severus doesn’t want more physically, he does, but he’s just not used to making demands like that. Remus, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to have any compunction about making overt manouvers, but he’s also not as forceful as he was that night when Severus followed him home. They don’t really discuss it; Severus feels a bit awkward about bringing it up, thinking that perhaps the intensity of that night was more fuelled by alcohol and excitement than anything else, but he still can’t deny the physical attraction between them.  
  
His pack jobs continue and he also makes a series of skydives from lower altitude with the focus on honing his skills while under canopy. It’s so different from the manic speed and noise of freefall; the parachute billows and flaps softly as Severus manouvers around with instructions via radio. He learns more about the different ways to control the parachute and sees how different methods produce different results, sometimes even radically different. He can see the appeal in spending time under canopy, the beauty of it, but freefall has truly captured him, heart and soul.  
  
  
~~~  
  
  
Another weekend rolls around and, one evening after stowing away his rental skydiving equipment, Severus joins everyone gathered around the fire pit where a man called Crazy Hound is telling stories to a bunch of first jump students. He’s half American Indian, half something else, and when Severus asked one of the other jumpers about him, she’d said “Who, Hound? He’s an old-timer, been here forever. A bit of a nut, mind you, but he’s great to have on a skydive.”  
  
CrazyHound tosses a small branch onto the fire, and for a moment Severus is mesmerised by the sparks that rise from the flames, climbing into the night sky where they cool and disappear. He looks around at his fireside companions, catching Remus’ eye as the other man approaches. Severus inclines his head in both greeting and invitation, and Remus smiles easily as he picks his way around the fire pit, stepping over and through the extended legs of the gathered crowd. At first, Severus had thought the whole ‘sitting around the campfire’ thing to be very hokey, almost summer-camp-ish, but now that he is more familiar with the jumpers, he understands. Every time a load goes up, you risk your life with those people. It’s a relatively small risk, true, but still, it does something to a person; it changes them, somehow. Makes them appreciate living, and Severus never thought he’d feel that way again. He nods as Remus finally reaches him and plops down next to him. The old bench creaks threateningly but doesn’t move, and Remus settles in with a sigh, taking a sip of his beer and gesturing with the bottle at CrazyHound.  
  
“You just wait - it’s only a matter of time before the war stories come out.”  
  
Severus takes a long drink, trying not to be distracted by the warmth of Remus’ leg as it lies alongside his own and the distinctive smell of his cologne, a combination that only makes him want to get them alone. A quick glance at his watch says that it’s still a bit early though, and the fire is nicely warm, as is Remus.  
  
A few minutes pass and CrazyHound’s gestures become grander and more exaggerated.  
  
“Let me tell you first timers a story. A story of why it’s so important to maintain situational awareness.”  
  
“I’m impressed he managed to pronounce ‘situational’, what with the amount he’s had to drink.” says Remus loudly in a jovial tone. The crowd cackles and CrazyHound points his beer bottle in Remus’ direction.  
  
“Laugh if you will, young Lupin, but it’s imperative that they Know The Stories.”  
  
“Very well, Sir Hound. Continue, please.”  
  
CrazyHound scoffs laughingly and takes another deep gulp of his beer before looking around the group of expectant newbies.  
  
“Do you know why we drill you about situational awareness?”  
  
“So that we know where we are?”  
  
“So we don’t get lost?”  
  
“We need to know who’s around us and what they’re doing?”  
  
“A-HA! Correct! Who said that?”  
  
Fingers, hands, beer bottles and other assorted items all point at a young man who had managed to land closest to the pea gravel pit earlier in the day.  
  
“Right you are! Who are you again?”  
  
“Walt.”  
  
“Right! Well, Walt is correct. You need to keep track of what’s going on around you. Altitude is your friend only if you have lots of it, but it can run out on you real quick.”  
  
“Take, for example, an accident that happened here last July. Young girl in her early 20s, about 70 jumps or so, goes up as a filler on a load carrying an AFF student and a 4-man team. She follows the 4-way out but gets down before they do. They’re all under canopy and she’s coming in to land when one of the 4-way team members, showing off as he typically did, swooped down in front of her at high speed, basically cutting her off. She didn’t see him coming and only heard his shout at the last moment; she pulled hard to get away but ended up diving and spiralling down at a huge rate of speed, and she couldn’t pull out of the dive.”  
  
There are hisses of disapproval, and Severus’ blood runs cold, his heart thumping as he looks around cautiously, as though everyone can see that he had once wanted that for himself, and that now he finds the idea horrifying..  
  
“So what happened?”  
  
“What  _happened_  was that she and her canopy hit the ground at almost the same time, face first. She broke her leg, her pelvis, cracked a rib, had lots of significant bruises, and it basically fucked her life for almost a year. I don’t know whether she ever jumped again.”  
  
“Woah! And the guy?”  
  
“Banned from this DZ for life. You all know the rules; low man has the right of way. Oh, he jumps at a couple of other places, but this DZ is the training facility for their team, and it wasn’t the first time he’d had an incident like that. The team pretty much let him go, since he turned out to be bad publicity for them.”  
  
There’s general murmuring and Severus looks across at Remus. Their eyes meet for a long moment, and then Remus smiles, clinking his beer bottle against Severus’.  
  
“Blue skies, black death.”  
  
Severus is reminded uncomfortably of his own reasons for wanting to skydive in the first place, and of how certain he had been that he’d found the solution to his life’s problems. Remus gets up to raid the refrigerators for more beers, and Severus shivers slightly, thinking of how fortunate he is that a simple misunderstanding about how first jumps work and a chance meeting has led to the life he has here, now. Later that night, he grips Remus’ body hard and welcomes the heat and passion as Remus pounds him into the mattress.  
  
  
~~~  
  
  
Severus is excited. And nervous. He’s suiting up for his first 4-way with two slightly-more experienced jumpers than him, and Lee, who Severus hasn’t jumped with yet. They’ve dirt-dived their planned formations a few times, only expecting to turn about 4 points, and if they make it all the way through, they’ll just keep doing the same sequence till break time.  
  
He sees Remus walking over from the packing tent, his parachute packing cord tied around his ankle and a frown on his face, and his stomach does that familiar swooping thing whenever he first sees Remus.  
  
“Hey, Severus. I heard you’re going up just now.”  
  
“Yes I am. Shawn asked me to jump in his 4-way.”  
  
“I wanted to fly camera on your jump, but the plane’s full.”  
  
“Ah. Well no matter, we can do it another time.”  
  
Remus flashes a rueful grin.  
  
“Yeah, I guess. Besides, this way I can throw together a couple of pack jobs before you guys even get to altitude.”  
  
“Gotta make the money to support your crazy habit, eh, Lupin?” Severus smirks.  
  
“You know it,” he says softly, and the slow sweep of eyelashes is enough to have Severus’ stomach do delicious things. Remus grins and slaps Severus light-heartedly on the shoulder, his thumb caressing the side of Severus’ neck. “Have a good jump, I’ll see you when you get down.”  
  
Severus feels warm at Remus’ words, and even though he doesn’t make it obvious that they’re… together, they’re not really hiding it either. Severus hasn’t wanted to examine the idea of being in an actual ‘relationship’ too closely, but it feels like it might be a good thing. Perhaps he’ll really have a talk with Remus later about the two of them.  
  
Perhaps it’s time.  
  
They exit the plane at 8,000 feet. It’s less than perfect, but Severus and Shawn manage to hold it together enough to get a stable base falling while they wait for Lee and Greg to join them. Severus checks his altimeter - 7,000 feet. Lee is in first, docking easily on Shawn’s right leg, and Greg, slow to get across to them, eventually makes it. He’s been having trouble with forward movement, tending to back-slide a bit in freefall, and Severus knows that Lee’s been working with him on it. He seems to have mastered the problem, though, and approaches the base quickly. He reaches for Shawn’s leg, but back-slides again, as is bound to happen. Severus used to make the same mistake when he was still in training, and he remembers Ed’s words.  _Never reach – the airflow will push you backwards. Always fly into the position and then take your grip._  
  
6,000 feet.  
  
Greg shakes his head and straightens his legs a bit, angling his body for more forward speed, and he’s making it back. He comes in hesitantly, and Severus wants to nudge the base towards him, to meet him half way, but he knows that that’s not the way it’s done. The base must fall, stable, constant, and the other jumpers must meet it there.  
  
5,500 feet.  
  
Greg’s moving faster now, heading straight in to his position on Shawn’s left leg, but he comes in too fast, hits the formation hard and goes low, pulling Shawn down with him. The entire formation starts to funnel, and Shawn nods at Severus to release grips, so Severus does. He remembers his training - if the dive goes to shit, break, back away and then re-form the base with Shawn. He checks his altimeter - 4,500’. There’s still time, and he looks around him at the other divers, at the horizon and at the entire world stretched out before him, thinking of Remus on the ground waiting for him, and he knows a moment of pure happiness.  
  
It really feels just like flying…  
  
  
~~~  
  
  
Remus watches as Severus’ 4-way departs the Caravan. He knows Severus will be the first one out with Shawn, they’ll lay base for the rest of the formation. He appears to be doing well, and Remus watches as a third jumper joins the formation, but the last jumper seems to have a bit of trouble with the docking.  
  
Someone appears to become unstable and then the formation collapses. Suddenly a parachute blooms open in the midst of the confusion and there is a chorus of gasps from the ground. Adrenaline bursts through Remus’ body and he watches as another chute opens; this one red and black, and two dots track away from the mess, but even from this distance he can see that something is wrong. One of them appears to be head down and spinning rapidly, constantly, apparently out of control and the other appears to be chasing the first. His heart seizing in his chest, Remus knows that the force generated by repeated spin can cause a diver to black out if left too long.  
  
He checks the canopies - Shawn is open, his bright red and black canopy easy to spot, and the first canopy, blue, blue and white, is a student rig that Greg has been using all week. Peripherally, Remus hears shouts, but his feet feel rooted to the spot even as his eyes are locked on the two men thousands of feet above him. His mind rapidly processes the information: Shawn and Greg are open, so the two dots must be Lee and Severus. Remus’ gut twists as he knows that Severus can’t be the one doing the chasing - he’s only recently graduated, after all.  
  
“Get to him! GET TO HIM, LEE!!” he shouts, regardless that they can’t hear him.  
  
Remus watches helplessly as the dot which his mind has labelled ‘Lee’ gets closer to the dot which must be Severus. The dots come close but then Lee moves away, perhaps unable to get in safely as Severus continues to spin, tumbling out of control.  _Put something out there, Severus!_  Remus thinks.  _Severus. Come on - stabilize then dump your reserve. Remember your training, dammit!_    
  
Remus’ body is wound tighter than he’s ever known, his eyes locked on the pair as he wills Lee to get to Severus, help him,  _save him!_  and he sees Lee try, again and again, but the two men still plummet to earth and they’re getting low, too low, and then Lee dumps out almost too late and Severus still doesn’t move and Remus knows with terrible certainty that there’s only one possible outcome at this stage and he’s running, finally, tearing across the grass towards the runway screaming “ _Come on, Severus, pull SOMETHING!_  PULL SOMETHING, PULL PULL  _PULL YOU BASTARD, PULLLL !”_  
  
But he never does, and as Remus watches Severus’ spinning, twisting body disappear out of sight behind the line of trees, it feels just like dying.  
  
~ fin ~

 

  
 _I’m standing on the edge  
With a vision in my head  
My body screams ‘release me!’   
My dreams they must be fed_  
  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPXIP2BVvxo &t=2m56s

**Author's Note:**

> I know.  
> I’m sorry.
> 
>  
> 
> Remus’ trailer:  
> http://www.campercorral.us/inventory-2/item/2010_forest_river_grey_wolf/
> 
> A nice timeline of AFF jumping with video of each level:  
> http://www.affschool.com/8-levels/


End file.
